Regrets
by hatakescarecrow
Summary: kakashi came home after four years. sakura is still trying to move on. something huge is coming in all this emotional mess. read & reveiw.
1. Chapter 1

**WELCOME HOME**

A/N: ignore grammar mistakes. Please review.

In this story at present kakashi is 37 and sakura is 24.

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Standing there, beside her bed in front of a mirror, she holds a book. A book gifted to her by the man she loved with all her heart. It was his last gift to her. Tracing fingers over what he had written in his shabby, worse than a five year old child's hand writing, 'to the most beautiful woman'. A tear ran through her cheeks & fall on the book. She was too immersed in her thoughts to notice. Did he ever love me? Or was i just a toy to him, with which he played until his heart was content & thrown away like it meant nothing. It was what everyone has told her, tsunade, her friends & other people in the village who claim to know him pretty well, that he could not commit to anyone. He always ran away from one left when things started to get serious. It was her daily routine for last 4 years & 10 days, since the day she known that he left for roaming & collecting information for village in position of Jairaya, to try to hate him, to try to feel nothing about him. But she could not change the fact she loved him back then & still love him with all her heart. But now there is anger, fear, pain with love in her heart. Loads of it. Tsunade tried to make her forget him but she could not. She could not believe what they told about him. But, she also could not change the fact that he never meet or write to her in four years. He never tried to be in contact with her. His letters arrives for hokage having some information in 2-3 months without a single mention of her. He asked about naruto, gai, tsunade but never of her.

A sudden pounding on the gate jolted her out of her thoughts. She quickly shut the book & placed it in its place with other books. She quickly moves to bathroom without answering the gate. After rinsing her face from water, she starts brushing her hair. The thumping sound on gate is getting impatient & louder with passing every moment. She had to go to a festival in konoha with her dearest friend who now happens to be the hokage. Still as loudmouth & impatient as ever but with more tact to talk to people especially important ones. He has done a fine job in keeping the peace in the village & world. She had to speak & stop his pounding against the door as any second from now the door will be uprooted or broken. "I am getting ready, naruto. If my door gets any damage, i will kick you to all the way to suna." Suddenly, the beatings against door stopped. "Relax sakura, i am not going to break it & we are getting late, Hinata & Aki are waiting for us to join." Naruto told her why he is being impatient. His wife & three year old son are waiting for him, to visit the festival. He rarely gets free time to spend with his child & now when have some, he don't want to waste it here in front of a door. But, he cannot leave sakura. She is the one who is suffering most. A strong kunoichi with a kind heart. She would never let kakashi go. She would have just stay inside her whole life if she could. With no desire to talk & meet people she has no social life. She dated only two men for 2-3 days in last four years & that was only because of his & ino's endless persuasion. Whatever they do to tell her that he is not coming back, probably would be with another one now & he never cared for her, she would never listen to them. For her, he is still her knight in shining armour on a white horse. She comes out of her flat, locks the door & turn to her blonde friend "alright, let's go." Naruto watches her from toe to her top & says "you look quite normal today. No foul makeup, no messed hairs, no bathroom slippers, what is the matter sakura?" annoyed by the accusation she tells her old friend "i just wanted to look nice tonight." Naruto is quite relieved by her statement. It is the start, she is finally starting to make. It took her four years to get to normal & people called him a slow one. "That's nice to hear. Now let's get going Hinata & aki are waiting for us to join." Yes, today she is totally ready to forget previous chapter of her life & start a new one.

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'It's been four years.' Kakashi whispers to himself as large gates of village come into his view. He hasn't seen anyone in last four years. He can finally meet them, talk to them & know what is going on, in the village. It is true that he do not care much about it as all his contacts mentioned to him in past few months. He cared less with every passing day. When he left the village, It was for the first time in his life, since he was five; he had enough time to think about what he is doing all these years. That he has been used as tool over the years & he had been a good one yet he was thrown away like he was never meant to be there. All he wanted now to report to hokage get done with these shinobi duties & get his money so that he can live his life in peace, away from getting used & hurt. Maybe he should apologise to sakura & give her blessings to stay happy in her rest of the life. As he got near the gate, he could hear the hustle & bustle in village. As he entered the village, he nods to guards on gate duty. Their shocked faces did surprise him as it seemed like they never saw him before. He heard some whisperings of guards on duty like 'is he who i think is?' 'I think so, he is kakashi hatake, and poor girl will suffer again'. Ignoring them kakashi continues on his way to hokage tower to report his arrival. Whole time, he got some surprised, some weird looks from people. Ignoring them, as he has nothing to do with them kakashi moved on towards his destination. He just wants to go, meet tsunade, get his money & get out of here. As he was starting to climb the stairs of hokage tower, he saw a little boy maybe of age 3-4 years jumping around & making noise. He was maybe excited about something. He goes near to the boy & asks him "what is the occasion today?" the three year old watch him, his face & found a mask instead. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" Now i have to give explanation to a toddler. Well done, now things can't get any worse. "I am a leaf shinobi. I am here to met hokage & file my mission report." He displays the leaf hand band to the boy & start moving towards his destination. A voice came from behind "today, there is a festival in village. Hokage is not there. He is gone to pick up my aunt from her apartment so that we can go to festival together. She remains quite all the time, maybe these days could cheer her up." This kid do talk a lot for his age & from his talk it is quite certain that he is the son of hokage. 'I thought after a certain age, giving birth is not possible. Maybe she has developed a new jutsu for that also.' Kakashi thought. But to clear his doubts he asked the boy "hey listen, what is the name of current hokage?" child stopped playing around & become very serious "what kind of shinobi will not know his leader's name." Kakashi thought the same. "Well i was away from village for some time & never received a letter from village to know what is happening here. Is it still tsunade Sama?" he asks again. "No, tsunade baa-chan stepped down two years ago. My father became the next hokage." Now kakashi got curious. Could he be the son of naruto as he was in line to become next after tsunade? "& what is your father's name?" "His name is Uzumaki naruto. You must have known him. He is the hero of village." Kakashi could see proud in the boy's eyes. That is what he could never see for himself, a son of him who is proud of his achievements. "So, he finally became hokage. Good to know that but as far as i remember he do not have any sisters. Who is your aunt?" boy sighs, old man is too curious about village & his family. "No she is not his sister. Aunt Sakura was his teammate for years." Kakashi's heart stopped for a moment. He hasn't heard that name in years. He got curious again. "What is happening in her life? Does she also have children?" kakashi asked as he was certain she would have married by now. So asking for children would be fair. "No, she does not have any. I asked her that i want brother or sister to play with but she also refused like my father." A part of kakashi got little happy. 'But it does not mean that she is single. & it was part of deal to never meet her again, so stay focus. Find naruto, take money & get the hell out of here'. "Where can i find naruto?" he asks the boy. "We will be at festival in half an hour. See you there." Ok now i have half an hour, i can find her & apologise to her.

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Sakura was moving through crowd of hundreds of people with the hokage & his family. It was a nice to go out, watch people laughing & having fun. She missed it for what, a man who probably will not come back to her, ever. Who probably never loved her, left her like a used toy? She was moving through the crowd watching a father buying his son an ice-cream, a girl urging her mother to buy her a new dress. Then she looked at her friends, all happy couples. Ino with her new boyfriend, shikamaru with his wife temari & besides her walking naruto, Hinata & aki, a happy family. All she desired in her life but maybe she always choose the wrong men. She will try & make her life better. With this promise, she & her friends entered a shop to eat. After few minutes, everybody in street saw a white haired man coming flying breaking the roof of shop, he looked hurt like he was hit by the famous monstrous punch & hokage following his direction of flight.

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Kakashi got to his apartment after meeting naruto's son. He is really talkative like his father, just not as loud as the hokage. Well let's just get ready & meet him to report to him. Just as he enters his apartment, he started sneezing & coughing even after wearing a mask. Four years of dust & dirt, it is going to be a lot of work. Today he really envied wind style users. 'Well let's move to a hotel, it will be better.' He thought & got out of his shabby apartment. Taking a room in a cheap hotel near the market of konoha, kakashi started getting ready thinking about everything that would have changed in all these years. For starters, naruto is a father. He had always thought that it would take naruto & Hinata at least next 20 years to reach at the point of dating. If one would try to take a step further other will definitely become unconscious but here they are living a happy family life whereas he is just at same point as he was about 4 years ago. After getting ready, he was hungry. He will try to meet them later. As he was eating his noodles, a bit a pink flashed in his eyes. Kakashi was stunned with it, he wanted to meet her but it was so sudden, he is not ready. He stood up in front of her, the look on her face was changing every second, from surprise to happy then to anger & it started to grow. Her face became red in colour & death seems certain for kakashi. Crying "welcome home" she moved near him & fist with loads of chakra connected to bottom of his chin & he was flying through the roof. The room was in terror, they never saw sakura this angry. Naruto hastily moved to find his injured sensei.

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Kakashi wake up in a hospital bed with his aching jaw. "What are you doing here?" a spiteful naruto asked him. He never heard naruto speaking like that. "Not a warm welcome, i was certain you missed me." kakashi replied with placing a hand on his jaw to provide it support. It seems like konoha now lacks good medics. "You left a pregnant sakura behind to weep for months or rather years. Now, today she finally said she is ready to move on, you magically appear out of nothing. Let her live, kakashi." A pregnant sakura, what is he talking about. "Pregnant? What are you talking about?" a surprised kakashi asked. "It is not your concern anymore. Why did you left, sensei & why are you back now?" a cooled down naruto asks kakashi. "I thought you were hokage, naruto. Start reading mission scrolls. It will increase your knowledge" Kakashi said without giving a straight answer but a clue to find his answer. Naruto nods & leave kakashi to have some much needed rest. Kakashi had his own questions to which he will have to have answers now. He started to think of her & slowly drifted to sleep.

A/N: review please.


	2. Chapter 2

**MISSION: GET LOST**

**A/N: ignore grammar mistakes. Read & review. Never owned naruto.**

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After returning from an easy but long mission, kakashi just wanted to go to her apartment & jump in her bed & do all the things with her, he was reading in his 'romance' novel. It was an agreement between the two that one returning from mission will directly go to another's apartment. It was sakura's proposal as kakashi will die before going to hospital on his own; with this arrangement at least she can fix his wounds when he will be at her apartment. It was a win-win situation for both. But first he has to go the busty blonde which is going to be long & painful. Last few times she lectured him about duties, morals blah-blah, he had started to think that if she has an idea about what is going on between him & sakura. Kakashi just wanted to get done with her lecture & go to sakura's apartment. As he enters her office, was greeted with a wicked smile on hokage's face. "hokage-sama" kakashi says while bowing. "You are on time & seem unhurt. It means it was easy." Tsunade says after observing kakashi from toe to top. "Yes, client was a horribly coward man. But as long as i am paid for an a-rank, i have no problem." Tsunade could not agree more. Such clients are profit for village as they pay way higher than it should be & it gives rest to elite jonins. "Okay, submit your report later & it better be more than three lines." Kakashi just sighs & maintain his silence for hokage to continue. "You have some rest; i will call you later if i will need you." It was a proper sentence telling him to leave but kakashi stood there as he was expecting some lectures. "Do you need something?" tsunade asks as her narrows in anger or irritation. Kakashi just shakes his head in negative. "Then get lost." Tsunade hissed. Kakashi just turned around & get out.

'This whole thing stinks. She didn't lectured me, wanted me to leave so impatiently & those two extra anbu outside her office window. It stinks but i have some other better things to do than investigating an old hag.' Kakashi thought & start moving towards her apartment.

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"So you are unhurt." Sakura asks the man in her bed. "Yes, easy mission." Kakashi replies as sit back on bed watching her. Today Sakura was serious. It was the affect of watching ino publicly showing her affections for her boyfriend. It was nothing she is not used to watch but she is also in a relationship, for last three months, & they behave like strangers in public. "kakashi, what do you want from this relationship?" sakura asks bluntly. Noting her serious tone, kakashi waits for a second & then answers "what do you mean sakura?" he cannot think, what she wanted to ask. "I want to ask that where does this relationship stands? Is it only physical for you or it do mean something more to you too?" kakashi sighs as it was getting worse then he thought. Returning from a mission & now this relationship talk. She should understand that they can't roam freely, holding hands, as much as they like to, they can't. "after three months you still..." kakashi was interrupted by sakura "yes, after three months i do not know anything about you, i don't know where i stand in your life, i don't know that if you are here only for 'benefits'. I don't know because you never told me anything. You come to my apartment in night & leave early in morning. What does it means?" Listening to her, kakashi realised that he really done or told her anything so that she could know to how much he loves her. It was always this act. She deserves more & i will give her whatever she want. But not today, it is not right thing to do just after mission. Maybe a good sleep will help."Tomorrow, i promise tomorrow at 6 in evening, i will give you every answer you desire, tell you everything you want to know." Sakura silently agreed to the proposal. She have waited 3 months, she can wait few more hours. "Now, come to bed, we have a lot of stuff to do." Kakashi says with a grin as he removes his mask. Sakura blushes & hops into bed.

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"Thank you for booking, sir" replies the manager of hot spring. Kakashi was planning to give sakura a nice date. He looked to his to-do list of the day. Flowers, food, champagne, hot springs, ring. So, Ring is only thing left & maybe some other gifts. Buying a ring from a jewellery shop in village is not an option as this news will be known to everyone in village before he could even give it to sakura. Maybe there is one in bank in his mother's jewellery. Temporary, it can be used until he can get new one from other village. Maybe, today sakura will be happy. Deciding to take one from his mother's jewellery, he starts his journey to bank by jumping from roof to roof. Not much time is left; it's already half past five & for the first time he does not want to get late. He was about to enter the village bank, two anbu appears in front of gate. "Kakashi hatake you are summoned by hokage, urgently." Kakashi sighs. He thought that he deserved at least a day's rest. What she could probably want from me. I didn't beat anyone for flirting with sakura & mission report is to be submitted tomorrow. This is not good. Kakashi had to leave his plan in middle & go with anbu.

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"I thought you will give me a day's rest." Kakashi say in anger to tsunade as he enters her office. Unaffected by copy ninja's anger, tsunade spoke to him in her most serious tone ever "what is going on between you & sakura?" now he understood, the matter behind this urgent summoning by hokage herself. So she knows about it, then no point in denying. "Something serious." Kakashi replies in his same relaxed way. Tsunade's eyebrow twitched listening to his answer. He is not even denying it. "Explain" tsunade said as she wanted to know to what degree he is serious. "I was going to propose her tonight if you haven't interrupted in it." 'Hmm, pretty serious' tsunade thought. "& you know it is unacceptable in village & you & your family name would be dragged through the mud if i didn't interrupt tonight." Kakashi smiled & replied "thank you for your concern hokage Sama but i really don't care about my & my family name if it will make her happy." Tsunade sighs. Stubborn as always "it is not only about you kakashi. Her life would also become a hell. People will call her different things & you can't stop all of them. She will be stopped from working as head medic & you will be in jail in accusation of seducing your own student. Think about it hatake, watching you in jail & her name destroyed, her position in hospital & among shinobi will be lost, she will not be happy." Acknowledging tsunade's sentence & its meanings, kakashi understood what he would have done tonight. He would have destroyed her life. He does love her but he can't be selfish. Maybe it will be good for her now but she will definitely not be happy if things turn out to be as tsunade told him. "What do you want me to do?" kakashi asks as he agreed that marrying him will not give her a happy life like he wanted to give her. If tsunade can promise him that she can find someone who will make her happy & will always be there for her, he would gladly do anything she wanted him to do. "I want you to leave village for some time because if you will live here, she will not be able to move on." Kakashi just nods to tell her to continue with her plan. "I want you to take jairaya's position outside the village. There are some disturbances out there & you can keep them in check & inform us regularly. This is also a mission for you. Maybe most difficult one but you have many reasons to do it." 'He is cooperating better than i thought.' Tsunade thought as she feared she would have to force him in doing all this & forcing copy ninja is not an easy task but here he is willingly doing everything. "I will take master Jairaya's place as i know his network & will be useful for the village even from outside." Listening to his answer tsunade smiles & readily agreed. "Ok, write us every month about what happening outside & you can't comeback to village until it is an s-rank or higher problem. this is your mission to get lost from her life so that she can have better one." Kakashi agreed as this condition was to keep him away from village for at least few years enough for sakura to start a new life. "I want two things though" kakashi said to tsunade. "& those are?" she asked to a man she is requesting to leave his home & love. She can at least fulfill his two wishes. "First, when i will return i want sakura as happy as you claim she would be" "okay, she will be, i promise." Tsunade said with a confidence that reassured him that he is taking right decision. "Second, i want you to write it all down in my mission scroll why i left." Tsunade's eyes narrowed on this question. This was not something she expected. "May i ask why?" "Because in future, if i will return to village, i would have an assurance that i didn't did anything wrong." "Okay, i will write all about this & keep it safe. You are dismissed & you will leave the village at 11pm so that no one asks questions" kakashi nodded as it didn't affected him that much when will he leave. He will have to leave her. Maybe, she will cry but better than crying whole life.

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"Kakashi sempai!" yamato asked as he said silver haired shinobi was approaching him. He was sitting in a pub, drinking with few friends of anbu. "Tenzou, i want to talk to you, alone" kakashi said to him & moved towards other table far in corner of pub. Watching his sempai's serious mood, yamato quickly excuses to his friends & go to his sempai's table. "What is the matter, sempai?" yamato asks as he adjusts himself into the booth. "I am leaving for a long term mission. Take care of sakura & others in my absence." Kakashi said flatly but he looked like in some pain. "What is the matter sempai? It is not new for you to leave on such missions?" yamato asks as he was becoming curious. It is not a usual sight to watch copy ninja depressed. "Tenzou, i have bullied you in doing many things & frankly, i enjoyed doing so but today i am genuinely asking for your help. Can you keep track of sakura & try to make her happy when i am gone." Watching his sempai so venerable, for yamato it seemed like end of the world. "I will sempai but where are you going & why are you only asking for her?" yamato asks as he was curious about it. Sempai wants sakura to be happy, so much that he is asking me to take care of it. "I am leaving for a very long mission, end of which is not definite. & sakura is going to be sad as i made lot of promises to her & i will not be able to fulfill them. Take care of her. i will send pakkun to you every month & give me only good news about her." Saying this kakashi stands up, pays for both yamato & his drinks & leave to meet her the last time for a very long time. Yamato just remain seated for few moments, coming out of shock of him paying for drinks. Yamato quickly moved outside to check if sun is setting in east & world is reversed or a disaster is coming.

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Sakura started getting ready at 5.30 pm as kakashi will arrive in an hour. It is acceptable & expectable from him to arrive an hour late. This man practically made career in coming late & it suits his reputation also. Quickly taking a shower & getting into a tight black dress, she got ready. Just light make up and she was ready just in time. She really is excited for this. It was their first real date. They do eat outside, go in pub & all other places together but never pose as couple. Well today is going to change all this. Now, sakura start waiting for bell to ring & a silver haired man standing on other side of door having flowers in hand. It wasn't until half past seven she started to get annoyed. She is waiting for him for more than an hour & he is nowhere to be found. She was now watching clock & door impatiently as he never came. Finally, feeling defeated & dejected at 9'o clock, sakura started cooking for herself. She made a little extra in hope that he will come & they will eat together. But with passing every minute, her hopes started to shatter & tears started to fall down from her eyes. She should have known that he had no intention of accepting her or giving this relation any meaning. She just goes to bed without eating anything or changing her clothes. A few more tears & she was asleep.

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Standing at her window, watching her crying was killing him. But he can't do anything. He can't go inside & sit with her, talk to her because it will be impossible to leave her. He just stood there & watches her cry, going to sleep without eating, made him feel like most helpless or feeble person in this world. He have to go, time has arrived. Leaving her there sleeping, he started his endless journey from place to place.

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Please review.


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